Now let's fast forward 41 years and 6 days later: I moved away from by beloved home in Oak Park on August 22, 2009, to take up long-term residence at Valparaiso University upon the commencement of my freshman year there. It was a day marked by great heartbreak, but I underwent a profound change in circumstances the following day, August 23, when I attended Mass for the first time at St. Teresa's at 11 AM: I encountered God fully alive in a community passionately and vibrantly expressing their faith, especially in doing their part to support college students like me.
There was a reception with food and drink following Mass. As I talked with a fellow freshman, Tyler, with whom I remain good friends to this day, a sophomore student approached us and enthusiastically encouraged us to sign up for the Adopt-a-Student program, where students would be matched with community members to be in a relationship, as a way to connect with the broader community at St. Teresa's.
I have a vague memory of having heard about this program before this moment, and I was certainly interested in signing up. So that enthusiastic plug just gave me all the more reason to do so.
About a month later, on September 20, I picked up an envelope from St. Teresa's that informed me I had been paired with Dan and Ann Ruggaber. The next morning, I sat down at a computer and opened up my e-mail, all ready to send them a message to introduce myself. But, lo and behold, they had already sent me an e-mail introducing themselves, and so I responded to share about myself. They had just moved to Valparaiso a few weeks ago during the previous summer, and because of a family connection, decided to be part of St. Teresa's. So we had a common bond of settling in to new life in Valparaiso.
We made arrangements to have a meal together that coming Saturday, September 26. After submitting my weekly essay for Christ College class by the noon Saturday deadline, I went to the St. Teresa's parking lot, where Dan and Ann arrived to pick me up and take me out to lunch at Round the Clock in downtown Valparaiso--I believe it was in their red car.
Thus began a very memorable relationship. We got to know each other over that meal, with Dan even going so far as to write out the steps leading to the formula for the derivative in calculus, as he had taught math for many years after serving in the US Air Force for a stint. Following that meal, they brought me back to campus and had me show them around the places I frequented.
One of the first things I noticed about Dan and Ann is how they live out their commitment to faith in being mindful of those in need, and striving to uphold the God-given dignity of all people. In the prayer before our first meal together, Dan said something to the effect of asking God to keep us mindful of those who don't have enough to eat. They have been involved in social justice efforts throughout their lives, and continue it, especially in volunteer work they do at St. Teresa's. Dan even helped build up the Social Justice ministry, and got the community involved in many efforts, like collecting supplies for those in need.
They also embodied the spirit of active faith that is demonstrated by the St. Teresa's community as a whole in supporting students. In the difficulties of college life, especially homesickness, they provided such comfort for me in the trappings of home life. They often invited me over to their home for meals, which, in my mind, is the ultimate expression of being welcomed into their lives. (We made a habit of having dinner at their home every year on Halloween, so I could help them pass out candy.)
At a certain point, I would attend 8 AM Mass with them regularly, which was a great way to experience Mass as a "family experience", with a close-knit feel within the broader community. And after being on campus for days on end, it was nice to remember the world is full of families with young children, and retired couples, not just young adult college students and their professors.
When my birthday came around, Ann was kind enough to make a white cake for me, on my request, just like Dan enjoys for his birthday. Indeed, they consider me their "fourth son" following after their three biological adult sons. And as it turns out, I live closer to them than any of their three sons.
We have also been there to support one another in trying times, especially with health issues and family deaths we experienced in our own families. One time, during my junior year, Dan took me to the South Shore Line Dune Park train station so I could go home for my cousin's funeral. Right before I stepped out of the car, Dan told me something I will never forget as long as I live, that at the time of a funeral, it's not so much about what I say, but what really counts is that I'm there, present to those in grief.
That was one of a few times Dan and Ann gave me a ride to the train station when I couldn't get there otherwise.
We also spent time together in other ways, like attending music concerts, outings to the Indiana Dunes, and being on the same team together for the fun of trivia night at St. Teresa's. We attended ordination Masses together at the Holy Angels Cathedral in Gary, for Father Ted and Deacon Bob. I sometimes even traveled to Valparaiso in the summers to visit with them.
I also have shared many conversations about faith with them, which is right up Ann's alley since for many years, she did parish work. I joined a faith-sharing group that Ann led that prepared us for the new translation of the Roman Missal back in fall 2011. After graduating from college, I had a discussion with them about becoming a Eucharistic minister, as I pondered my worthiness to serve in that role, and their insights helped me decide to take my part in this ministry.
We kept a strong relationship going for all four years I was in college. And they were with me all the way to the end, even attending my graduation ceremony. (Notably, none of their own three sons, for one reason or another, attended their college graduation ceremonies.) It was so special to have them there, to count them among the important relationships in life, right up there with my own family.
The closest I came to tears the whole day of my college graduation was when I bid farewell to Dan and Ann after we had dinner at a restaurant to celebrate. While my time in college had reached a natural end, there were no such strong signs to signal an end to my relationship with Dan and Ann, so I felt wistful about having to leave them.
But our relationship definitely did not cease on May 19, 2013. It has continued marvelously. I've gone back to Valparaiso from time to time, and I always make a point to let them know I'm coming so we can arrange to visit together, which has happened most times I've come back. It's nice that my relationship with them continues to provide a connection for me back to Valparaiso and the St. Teresa's community, beyond connections I have with those on campus.
The summer after I graduated from ValpU, they came to visit me in Oak Park, and I delighted in the opportunity to show them the place where I grow up and which shaped me so significantly. They were so eager to be at my MLIS graduation that they pretty much invited themselves. I was so pleased that they came, and that they could continue to join in the celebration of my subsequent achievements in life, just as I do for this Golden Wedding Anniversary for them.
So that's why I was in Valparaiso past Sunday, to attend 8 AM Mass at St. Teresa's, just like in old times. I was there to accompany them along with Ann's sister Pat. The four of us brought the gifts up to the altar before the Eucharist prayer, a wonderful gesture of how we've shared a relationship grounded in faith, by which we offer ourselves to be nourished by the Bread of Life and extend that nourishment, which were are pondering more closely in these weeks of August as the Gospel readings take us through the Bread of Life discourse in John 6. Indeed, we experienced familial love together in the way that Christ made God's love real to us by becoming intimately present to us, a wonderful insight Father Chris discussed in his homily, the idea of having an intimate relationship.
After communion, Father Chris offered them a blessing before the gathered community. I was privileged to accompany them up before the altar. As Father Chris began, he said they could look lovingly into each other's eyes. Clearly, while they share great love that brought them together 50 years ago, that love has not stayed between the two of them, as it has flowed forth to be a blessing to others. Indeed, it continues to be made anew, just like it did four years ago when their first grandchild entered the world.
I also stayed around for a reception where the St. Teresa's community celebrated their anniversary, and then I continued visiting with them and Pat over lunch at their home.
They've had quite a life together, which was well represented in a collage of photos displayed in a slide show at the reception, not only in all the places they've lived, but also in all the places they've traveled, and all the work they've done and contributions they've made.
It was also notable to ponder the state of the world at the time they were married: They had a poster with a listing of significant events in 1968, and anyone who knows anything about that year from study or from living through it knows that was a tumultous year. Also on display was a newspaper article about their wedding. Ann lived in a small Illinois town, and that's why the wedding made the newspaper. The reporter noted details like the dress Ann wore, the bridesmaid's dress, and even the places from which the wedding guests came, and the dress Ann wore when they departed for their honeymoon.
With all the grandeur and splendor in the typical trappings of a wedding, there's also something very grand, yet simple and humble, about the act of two people committing themselves to each other in love before God and people. They may not know what lies ahead, but making that commitment gives them a firm foundation for everything that goes beyond what's humanly possible. And it's amazing to think of what God can do with such a commitment, because of how it impacts so many people beyond just the husband and wife.
Indeed, I am so blessed that we have had this relationship for the past 9 years, and that I've been the recipient of the blessings of their 50 years together.
While 50 years is definitely a milestone to mark, what makes this celebration so grand is the quality of the love Dan and Ann have shared, and the ways they have poured it forth, as an example of the love Christ has poured out for His Church that we may know God and draw closer to Him.
Dan and Ann, I commend you to the grace of God on this joyful occasion, and may the light of God's love continue to watch over you and prosper you for all the years ahead, and all who will continue to benefit from the love between you before God.
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| To the left of me is Dan, and to the right of me is Ann. We are posing outside St. Teresa's following Mass, most likely taken by a fellow parishioner sometime during the Easter Season of my freshmen year in 2010. Truly, Dan and Ann's 50 years together have been a source of joy and blessing for me, just like St. Teresa's has, because they ground their love in faith. |
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